48. Push back the darkness

 During a worship experience at a conference a few weeks back, I found myself very tuned in to what was happening around me. As I quieted my voice to soak in the sound of others singing and praising the Lord, it was as if my senses were being heightened and the Holy Spirit was leading me to listen and watch. I saw a large black hole fill my entire vision. I was standing just outside the hole but it was no doubt inviting me in. As I continued to hear the music and voices around me, I noticed the hole began to be pushed back and as it did, it got smaller and smaller until it disappeared into the distance.

Even though I was not in the hole, I understood that even sharing a space with it was not ok. We were never meant to share Kingdom space in our hearts with the enemy. I also understood that it was the power of worship and lifting our voices in praise to the King of Kings that the hole was pushed back until it disappeared.

I believe that hole represented the sin, darkness, temptations and strongholds we face as we walk this world. Many of which are being tolerated. We are seeing an increase in people accepting what they are walking through as if it is normal. We are seeing an increase in sin being excused and the line is being flirted with many times over. It is not enough to sit on the outskirts of the darkness, claiming we are good because we haven’t actually stepped foot in. No matter what you see before you, don’t wait for it to consume you, because I assure you, the longer you flirt with the line, the more you open yourself up for the enemy to do just that. “Do not let my heart be drawn to what is evil so that I take part in wicked deeds along with those who are evildoers; do not let me eat their delicacies.” Psalm 141:4

This was a moment I believe the Lord gave me to understand the importance of being on guard. “Be on guard; stand firm in your faith [in God, respecting His precepts and keeping your doctrine sound]. Act like mature men and be courageous; be strong.” 1 Corinthians 16:13

He doesn’t want us to flirt with the line. He wants us to continuously push it back and not tolerate it being anywhere near us. But first, we MUST know what we are NOT meant to tolerate. We MUST know what the Bible says about sin. We MUST know what the Bible says about the promises of God. We MUST know who we are in His eyes. We MUST know how to see that dark hole before it consumes us. If we are not reading the Word of God, if we are not praying, if we are not worshiping, we will not be able to recognize the difference between what God is trying to do in our lives and what the enemy is trying to do in our lives. And that discernment is something that is irreplaceable in the times we are in.

#DoubleFistedFaith

(Throughout our walk, the Lord will continuously show us all where we have already fallen into the trap of the enemy and where we need to repent. Do not feel defeated! The Holy Spirit is revealing it to you so you may be set free from it, not so you feel hopeless. The voice of the enemy will try to cast doubt and shame in our hearts to try to keep us from the truth: The Lord died on the cross for each of us to walk in FREEDOM not bondage. PLEASE! If you don’t know what that looks like or if you don’t know what that means, or just need to talk, reach out to me or someone else you trust.)

47. I CAN’t

 “When Jesus had finished saying these things, the crowds were amazed at his teaching, because he taught as one who had authority, and not as their teachers of the law.” Matthew 7:28-29

There was a noticeable difference in the way Jesus spoke. Just by listening to his words, people could hear the difference. The fact that the Bible makes a point to highlight that is very important to pay attention to as it offers us insight to walk in, especially in the days ahead.

The way we present ourselves and the way we teach the Word is super important. As followers of Christ, we must step into the authority Christ has given us when he died and rose again after three days.

In Matthew 28:18-20 we see Jesus speaking to his disciples about the Great Commission: “Then Jesus came to them and said, “all authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you...”

Jesus was clear that HE was given all authority but before He ascended into heaven, he transferred that authority to those of us who believe.

THERE IS NOT ONE SINGLE FOLLOWER OF CHRIST THAT IS NOT MEANT TO CONTINUE THE WORK OF JESUS.

Not only are we expected to walk in the authority in our daily lives, but it is clear we should be teaching in authority as well. If you do not know what you should be teaching, I encourage you to open your Bibles and begin to seek the Lord through prayer and worship. He will direct you.

“...And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” (Matthew 28:20)

46. “Kill” the queen

 “That’s good, when you take out the queen, you take out the rest of the family.” I heard myself say before I even realized the words were coming out of my mouth…

The last couple weeks have been mixed with amazing highs but some major lows. One thing after another began hitting me. Not only with actual happenings but with the thoughts of doubt, shame, insecurities, worry etc. At one point, I felt completely wore down and I stopped taking each thought captive (as we are instructed to do in Philippians 4:8 and 2 Corinthians 10:5) and allowed myself to surrender to the woe’s of life and all that was happening around me.

To be completely honest, alcohol was feeling very tempting to me during this time. I have never been big on drinking but I found myself craving the idea of drowning my sorrows. The same morning this thought hit me, Adam and I found yellow jackets had somehow gotten into our bedroom and we could not find where they were coming from. After successfully killing one very large one, Adam looked it up-and based on the markings, it was a queen and that’s when I heard the words come out of my mouth: “that’s good. When you take out the queen, you take out the rest of the family.” As soon as I said it, I knew it was from the Lord and I have not been able to get the concept out of my head since. I knew the enemy was targeting me in a moment of weakness and truth is, he didn’t stop. The tempting lies and offerings continued to come but the Lord used yellow jackets of all things to speak to me in a very real way, delivering a message to my heart.

Within those words, I believe it’s not just for me but for all WOMEN:

I believe that we have been given a very important roll in God’s kingdom: we are created with the power of influence. It is a roll that the enemy wants us to overlook, ignore or see as insignificant. He will do anything to keep us from seeing it clearly and will offer many tempting ‘way outs’ that may appear to be a solution. From the very beginning, we see the serpent target Eve in the garden by casting doubt and suggesting she wasn’t good enough the way she was: here! just eat the fruit and everything will be better. (the serpent said “For God knows when you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” Genesis 3:5) And just like in the garden, when you take out the queen, you take out the family. It is no coincidence, the serpent targeted Eve with lies that made her doubt her true and pure nature. It is no coincidence the serpent cast doubt in her heart about who she was and who God created her to be and by doing so, cast doubt about God’s promises themselves. Because the enemy started with Eve and manipulated her to use her influence in a negative way, he was also able to take out Adam (“…she also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it.” Genesis 3:6) and they both fell into sin.

You my beautiful friend, have a powerful influence to those around you. An influence that you may not even realize you have because the enemy wants to keep hitting you with lies, doubt and shame about who you are and what you are capable of-ultimately with one goal in mind: “kill” the queen within you. We are constantly nailed with the feelings of comparison, “should be’s” and inadequacy and if you are anything like me, self confidence as a woman is not an easy thing to walk in.

But I believe the Lord wants us to stop seeking out who we are by the definition of other people (Including quizzes and personality evaluations!) The Lord wants His daughters to turn to HIM to find out who they truly are in HIS eyes. Let Jesus fill us with HIS truth and HIS purpose. Dig into the word. Pray. Worship the Lord and ask for revelation. The enemy trembles at a woman on a mission for the kingdom which is why I believe he is quick to offer doubt and insecurity so regularly to us. When we begin to recognize where the enemy is trying to “kill the queen”, we can combat it by speaking God’s truth over ourselves and our situation. (But we MUST know what God’s truth is before we can even do that)

“Lovely ones, in this moment I pray we might each realize that we are truly frightening to our enemy and that he has done everything in his power to contain us. He knows he cannot get close enough to capture and chain us if we are fully awake and mobile. To counter, he sedates us so that we might not do the things God has called us to do…we must wake up, rise up, remember who we are, and confront the evil in this world with light.” (Lisa Bevere)

(If you have not yet given your life to Jesus and have any questions about what this means, please reach out to me-I was once lost but the Lord came after my heart and He is after yours too)

45. New Perspective

 New perspective. I have wanted to use this picture for many things since taking it weeks ago. Each time I tried to piece it with one of my thoughts, the connection just didn’t fit and it felt forced. So I held onto it. And waited…

This weekend I was at a conference. It was a life giving powerful movement of the Holy Spirit-nothing like I have ever been a part of before. In just one day, six people approached me to either pray for me or give me a prophetic word. SIX. Friends, I have been encouraged throughout the years with compliments from others (that which I am very grateful for), and some may have spoken prophetically without even knowing it, but in the six years I have been a follower of Jesus, I have never been loved on by the big C church the way I was this past weekend. Many churches today do not walk in the prophetic. Some don’t even emphasize prayer but in the six years I have walked with the Lord, it was the first time the Church was speaking personally into my life allowing the Holy Spirit’s words to flow to me. And I realize, THIS. This is what church is meant to be. We (the followers of Jesus) are meant to speak His life giving words into others individually-not just depending on a message from the pulpit.

But here’s the thing about what was spoken over me: Every single word was from someone I didn’t know (other than one person) and they hit on a very real, very difficult point of my life. Every single word addressed lies that I was believing about myself and my situations. The Lord was there to correct the lies with HIS truth and He spoke through others to do it. He wanted me to see me through His eyes….no longer my own.

Then one of the speakers told us to close our eyes and ask the Lord this question: “Lord, how do you see me?” Immediately I hear the word “Meek” and my heart sank. In my mind meek=mouse like; timid; One who is weak and hides. But I know I hear from the Lord so I took the word ‘meek’ and looked it up. The actual definition of meek is “quiet, gentle and easily imposed on; submissive.” I liked quiet and gentle. I could embrace that as positive qualities but the other two were hard for me to accept-especially submissive. I thought about all the things we encounter here on this earth and how being submissive felt like yet another weakness. But the Lord wasn’t done with me yet…. so I typed “submissive” into the Bible app on my phone.

“I will walk (in submissive wonder) before the Lord in the land of the living.” Psalms 116:9

“Worship the Lord in the splendor of holiness; Tremble (in submissive wonder) before Him, all the earth.” Psalms 96:9

Scripture after scripture followed with the words ‘submissive wonder’……and I felt the negative weight I put on the word “submissive” literally melt off of me.

My point my friends, is so often we can look at things and situations right in front of us and decide what they mean. We can look at ourselves and others and make the assumptions we want about who we are and who they are. We can even hear words from the Lord (like I did) and put our own definition on it.

If we do not take off our glasses; if we do not let HIM correct our way of thinking, our way of approaching life; the way we see others; the way we see ourselves; And if we do not start acting like the Church God intended us to be, others will never get to experience who He truly is and we will never be able to step into the fullness of what God wants to do in and through us.

Let Him correct your vision. He is preparing His Church to unleash His power on earth in the days to come. And it starts by laying down our own glasses, stepping into HIS perspective and choosing to walk in HIS truth.

#DoubleFistedFaith #prophetic #HolySpirit #newperspective #takeoffyourglasses #throughHISeyes

44. Love me until I’m me again...

 “Love me until I’m me again.”

I remember following Adam outside as he was leaving for work a few weeks into my recovery. I had not yet begun to see a therapist and was navigating through all the lingering physical, emotional and mental side effects that came from the sudden illness and hospital stay that I had experienced after I had Luke.

This particular day there were a few things on the calendar-not a lot by any means. But a few things that required a bit of coordination on our parts. So....

What we did:

Adam and I had a conversation and he helped lay out the game plan on how we would make everything work smoothly and easily.

What it did to me:

It felt as if I was driving a vehicle full speed on a windy mountain road and then as if out of nowhere the music turns to static and the sun hits the windshield just perfectly. Instantly I’m blinded as I realize there was no hope to see through the yellow-orange brilliance of the sun. And it’s the scene right before the car veers off course, goes airborne and flips over and over and over again. The recogniztion of fear and panic to know your life is just about to end and there is nothing you can do to stop it....

Now, whether Adam could see the beginnings of the invisible battle that day or not, I do not know. But as I followed him to the car after only a few hours of being awake for the day, it was already too much. The physical pain intensified, I couldn’t breath, my mind was spinning, I couldn’t think and any composure I had left disappeared as I crumbled in his arms sobbing “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’m sorry. This isn’t me. This isn’t me.” And he stood there, holding me until I had enough strength to stand on my own again.

If you have never experienced PTSD yourself, it is not something anyone can ever describe to give a clear understandIng of what it is like. Nothing makes sense when you are walking in such darkness and there is no end in sight. It is an intense spiritual battle trying to destroy you from the inside out. ....it is truly evil.

But truth be told, the one walking in PTSD is not the only one the devil sets his sights on. Family, friends, loved ones, just like mine, were all targets of the enemy too. No one is exempt in this world. But please know that the Lord has given each and every one of us a special kind of strength during times that are the hardest in our lives. He sees you. He hears your cries and sees your tears.

Take heart in knowing that we can trust in the one who is ”Stronger than the storm,“ (as the top necklace in the picture says).....sometimes I think we mistakenly think that we are the ones it is talking about. But I don’t believe it is. I pray no matter where you are today, and no matter what you are facing, you will come to see that the truth of the matter is, we are not stronger than the storm....But the storm is no match for our God and He will walk you through it.

To my own family and friends, I sincerely say, “Thank you”. To everyone who walked along with me.....Thank you for never giving up on me. Thank you for filling in the smiles when I couldn’t find mine.

And to my husband: Thank you for loving me...until I was me again.

#sepsissurvivor #DoubleFistedFaith

(I found this image online. I do not know who made this jewelry or who sells it. But as soon as I saw it, I broke down and sobbed as it illustrates such a huge part of what I believe many have or are walking through with PTSD, depression, anxiety, panic attacks and more)

43. Rest (again!)

 The Lord invited me to rest. Rest my voice. Rest my heart. Rest from social media... And more. Over the years, I have learned that the truth of God can bring conviction to make changes. These changes are accompanied by a deeper, more meaningful and fulfilled way of living. I have always tried to use the platform the Lord has given me for lifting others up the best I know how, pointing people back to HIM and encouraging those life changes to be made with Him. But even still, there is so much that is being presented on facebook by others that I have found incredibly draining and some days it was if I was being swept away with it all. Four words often went with that feeling: confusion, chaos, and guilt/shame. No matter how the author masks these messages with “awareness“ and “good intentions”, I assure you they are not messages from the Lord. The Holy Spirit does not speak to His people in such a way to promote confusion, chaos or guilt. It became quite overwhelming.

“Jesus said, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew 11: 28-30

So I felt as if I entered a quiet few weeks. I put down my writing pen, set aside the journal projects I was working on, stepped back from facebook, and closed my computer. Not because I needed the physical rest but because it was clear He was asking me to. I’ve learned that we can’t always expect to have the full picture before we decide to obey what He tells us, and honestly, this was not the first time He has taken me to this spot. A spot of setting all else aside except for Him. Truth be told, I find that it is still often hard for me to take that kind of time no matter the duration. But time and time again, the Lord shows me exactly why He wanted me here and what was needing to be addressed.

If the Lord is leading you into a season of restful behavior (whatever that looks like in your life) take it. It is not a sign of weakness as we tend to think. I often find that during these moments, He is not only healing any hurts and redefining our focus on Him, but He is also renewing our strength for what’s to come next.

”My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken.“ Psalm 62: 1-2

42 Gather

This particular scripture has stuck with me for quite some time. Found in Acts 14:19 -20

“Then some Jews came from Antioch and Iconium and won the crowd over. They stoned Paul and dragged him outside the city, thinking he was dead. But after the disciples had gathered around him, he got up and went back into the city The next day he and Barnabas left for Derbe.”

Ok friends, we are walking in a time where the true gospel message needs to be preached without ceasing. But something that I always found myself questioning, is if my faith is strong enough to endure the physical persecution that the disciples did. I mean, no one wants to get beaten. And here we see that the crowd beat him so bad they thought he was dead. Ugh. But that wasn’t the end of the scene...

The next sentence really stopped me: “...But AFTER THE DISCIPLES GATHERED AROUND HIM, HE GOT BACK UP...” Now, we don’t actually know what the disciples did when they gathered around Paul-perhaps they offered medical aid, perhaps they prayed for healing or all of the above. But I think it is very important to note that they GATHERED AROUND HIM. They didn’t turn on him, they didn’t leave him for dead....they gathered.

We can all agree that opinions are coming at all angles. The more we watch the news, the more we are on social media, the more we read the articles, division is trying to take over and it is being fed to us by those who do not care about you or me. Christians are bashing Christians; Friends are Unfriending; Families are turning their backs; Neighbors are turning in neighbors....and it seems so many are quick to pick up a stone and throw it at another just because the world is providing the stones.

Can you imagine how different it would be if we gathered around those beaten and broken? Instead of being one of the stone throwers-be one of the gatherers. It was AFTER the disciples gathered that Paul was able to get back up. We need each other guys. We can’t be throwing stones and accusing and pointing fingers. We need to gather. We need to love. We need to be the ones who help people back up-whether they agree with our personal opinions or not. I truly believe, THIS is what the real ChristIan love looks like.