38. Blank Canvas

A few weeks ago marked a year of recovery after sepsis. I don’t really know what I was expecting. I don’t really even know why I was thinking I should be expecting anything. But the day came and went as uneventful as it could have been. In fact, it was almost so uneventful that it became eventful....is that even possible? 

I know that my journey of sepsis does not define me. But I truly believe it was a major turning point in my walk for a multitude of reasons. Either way, I believe it was a time that I really began to find my voice for the Lord. Truly stepping into the journey He had prepared me for.

During prayer one evening close to that year-end mark, I sat with my notebook out, pen ready, waiting on the Lord, expecting to hear from Him.....

silence. 

”Of all nights!” I remember thinking....posing the question to the Lord, “Why are you silent?!”

But all I saw was a blank canvas. I so badly wanted to paint something on that canvas. I didn‘t want it to be blank. But then the Lord reminded me of a gallery setting. One I often visited while in art school. Walking through admiring the works of art...some single pieces telling its very own individual story while others combining together to create a series of work. And the question came to my mind: If you could paint what you are currently walking through, what would it look like? What colors and shapes would you use? Would it be a part of a series or stand on its own? What would your gallery look like and how many pieces would the Lord be a part of?

I could look back and see piece after piece in my gallery representing my walk over the years. Season by season a new piece was added to the wall. But here I am standing in front of a blank canvas. As if my past year has officially become my past; A close to the year that tried so hard to take me down and define me. I was stretched and crushed and loved and healed. The Lord taught me so much over this past year-but the baggage of what happened to me physically is not meant to go with me for the next painting-only the lessons I was taught and the never ending love of Jesus. 

It is true that the Lord God is unpredictable. The way He speaks to our hearts is so very very beautiful. If you feel so inclined to create a piece of art representing what you are walking through right now, I would love for you to share it with me!

As for me, a blank canvas awaits...