When we ask questions, almost always we are wanting an answer. Right? Very rarely do we actually ask a question that we are not hoping to find a answer that will bring us some kind of understanding, comfort or closure. Especially in today’s world, I encourage people to be asking a million questions. The Bible even tells us to hold everything up to the word of God and do not accept everything we hear. But here is a question that has been rolling around in my head....Why do we need answers? What tells us that we must know the “why?” And the “how?” When we are walking in a true relationship with the Lord, is it possible to walk a life with fewer questions and deeper trust?
Don’t get me wrong, I do think there is a place for questions in our walk with Jesus-they can grow us and stretch us beyond where we would be if we didn’t ask those questions initially. But I got to wondering….sickness, miracles, healing. Is there really ever an “answer” to any of the questions we have revolving around these particular topics? Or perhaps, is the stretching and growing from the unanswered questions what forces us into a deeper intimacy of faith, trust, and hope with our Creator? I truly believe the Lord is looking for His people who are ready to say, YES! I trust you. YES! I believe. YES! I have faith…No matter what. Period.
As I’ve mentioned before, I know my sepsis story does not define me but it certainly has grown me. This is yet another moment (a year later) where the Lord is still working on my heart. After I got sick, it was never a question as to why I got Strep A sepsis or even how I got Strep A sepsis….both of which still go unanswered today and probably will never be answered and I am at peace with that. The question that I wrestled with for so long was why was I able to walk out of the hospital…why am I still alive? Why have so many died from the same thing within hours? Why didn’t God call me home?
While I was in the hospital, we were receiving very vague guidance and help from the doctors who were caring for me at the time. Eventually, I received a copy of my charts to confirm I was indeed “stage 3 severe sepsis/septic shock”. So as I continued on the journey of recovery, we reached out to friends and family in the medical field as well as a new group of doctors for further care. Perhaps we were still searching for answers, perhaps we needed some kind of closure. But ultimately, I wanted straight forward ‘please don’t tip toe around me anymore’ truth. Through these conversations and sharing my information with them, with compassion and a bit of sadness in their voices we heard them bluntly describe my condition while I was in the hospital as “knocking on death’s door” and “you were closer than you realize” and “you should have been life-flighted” and “it very easily could have gone the other way” among others…. As hard as it was to hear these things, I was so very thankful for honest answers.
In combination with the realization of how bad it actually was, the memory struck me again and again that while in the hospital, the function of my legs fluctuated and there were times where I could not move my legs at all.….yet I WALKED out of the hospital only few days later. With all this knowledge and more, survivor guilt hit me hard and then came the deep need to know why I was kept alive. But in doing that, I stepped into my flesh. It wasn’t that I was intentionally questioning God or being ungrateful but instead I was trying to wrap my head around the logistics of it all. Give me a reason! Please!….I felt as if that reason has been left unanswered but if you ask the Lord to bring you revelation and trust He will do so, it WILL happen in His time.
In the book of Luke, I was recently reading the story where a man brought his young son to Jesus to drive out a demon that was causing his son convulsions. In chapter 9:42 it says, “Even while the boy was coming, the demon threw him to the ground in a convulsion. But Jesus rebuked the impure spirit, healed the boy and gave him back to his father. Verse 43 stopped me in my tracks: “AND THEY WERE ALL AMAZED AT THE GREATNESS OF GOD.” (My emphasis added)
I finally understood. It was never about me. Praise God! It was never about me. I guess I always knew this but didn’t really acknowledge it. Even though I have read this story many times prior, it finally sunk in….miracles have NOTHING to do with us. The miracle I lived through was not about me, other than having the honor of my life being used to glorify the Savior.
There was a point in the ER that the doctor literally walked into my room crossed his arms, and said, “I’m just going to watch you for another 30 minutes and see what happens.” The doctors did not save me, friends. God ultimately used them, this is true….but I was septic for over 36 hours before getting treated and towards the end of those 36 hours, doctors were watching me to see what would happen (because they didn’t actually know.) I was in stage 3 of 3 when I went into the ER that day. It was by the miracle of God that I lived while my fellow humans were trying to get their act together in the midst of scrambling because of a mistake they had made prior to my hospitalization.
If you do not believe that healing and miracles still happen, I am here to tell you that they do. We must stop trying to explain them away. We must stop trying to give other things of this world credit for what God does in our lives. We must stop glorifying doctors and medicine instead of glorifying the ultimate Physician who is always in control. We must stop trying to water down the word of God. We do not need to make sense of what God does in our lives. We don’t need more answers. What this world needs more of is unquestionable FAITH. Unshakable TRUST. Unending HOPE. This world needs more people who will share the way the Lord has worked in their life, speaking testimonies that glorify the Father. Letting those testimonies sit there….in front of all to see. So ALL will be amazed at the greatness of God.
In yet another book of the Bible, speaking to a man who He just healed, Jesus said in Mark 5:18-20, “… ‘Go home to your own people and tell them how much the Lord has done for you, and how he has had mercy on you.’ So the man went away and began to tell in the Decapolis how much Jesus had done for him.
AND ALL THE PEOPLE WERE AMAZED.”
(Emphasis added)
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