11. Goodness of God REPOST

Written January 8, 2020 REPOST

I woke up with a gasp. The room was dark. The dreams were so real-the nightmares that seemed to suffocate me in the darkest moments of the night. As I looked around, I realized I woke up to a different kind of nightmare. I was still in the hospital-strapped to the bed with IV’s, a heart monitor and leg compressors. I literally couldn’t move my legs on my own at that point because of the sepsis and everything they were pumping into my body over the previous three days. I was stuck and I had the sinking realization that I didn’t know when I would get to return home or see my kiddos again. Up to that point, I had kept a brave face. I never felt the fear so many people thought I would have in that situation. But it all caught up to me. I crumbled. I did the only thing that I knew to do….I reached for my phone and turned on the song “Goodness of God” by Jackie Baker. A friend had shared this song with me a few weeks before and as I lay there in the dark, feeling completely helpless, it only made sense to declare what I knew. 


🎼 “All my life you have been faithful. All my life you have been so so good. With every breath that I am able. I will declare the goodness of God.” I whispered through a sob.

If any of you are like me, you know very well that there have been so many moments in life that we feel we didn’t deserve the love of God. But he loves us anyways. I thought of all the times in my life, even before I became an active follower of Christ, that he showed up again and again…..ALL my life He was faithful and in this moment I knew it was no different. I remember thinking, if nothing else, the very least I could do was declare His goodness. 

That night was a turning point for me in, what is safe to say, was a life changing experience. Ever since then, this song carries a whole new kind of weight. I found myself tonight realizing I had been avoiding listening to it over the last few months because of the intense memory it brought back. But I sat down on my living room floor-my kids making balloon animals on one side of the room, Luke playing with his toys on the other, and I turned it on. 

🎼 “Your goodness is running after, its running after me. With my life laid down, I’m surrendered now. I give you everything. Cause your goodness is running after, it keeps running after me.” 

Friends, I have had A LOT of ups and downs on this journey-and the truth is that whether it is a beautiful up or a major down, God is good. He really is. 

Maybe you are going through something right now and you are wondering where He is…..ask Him to show you. Maybe you have already been through the ringer and God has pulled you through or maybe things are going really well for you right now….thank Him tonight (even if you already have). Maybe you haven’t given Him a chance yet….open your heart and let Him show you that even in the midst of your doubt, He loves you unconditionally. No matter where you are, I pray you listen to this song….let it sink in and truly reflect on the words. I pray you find yourself laying down everything you think you know and soak in what He has done for you in your life. To the point His goodness just bubbles over and you find yourself wanting nothing more than to tell someone about it. Don’t be afraid to share Him. We need more voices singing the words

 🎼 “I love your voice. You have led me through the fire. In the darkest night you are close like no other. I’ve known you as a Father. I’ve known you as a friend. And I have lived in the goodness of God."