61. The God of ALL children

 So as I mentioned before we are in the middle of a move. This leg of the transition started around April and the kids have been doing so amazing with everything and for that I am so grateful.

A few nights ago the kids had a very busy weekend and they were exhausted....I mean verge of complete melt downs exhaustion. On the way back from family, we had to stop at our “old“ house to grab something because we weren’t staying there that night. The kids got out and played in the yard for a bit while we talked to our neighbors and I could really feel the sense of ’comfort zone’ starting to set in with everyone.

As we got in the car to leave, it was the first time (since April) I heard all of the kids say they didn’t want to move anymore. Each one of them expressed in their very own way and I could feel the exhaustion and see the tears and sadness start to creep in as their little minds turned. My mommy guard went up knowing good and well the enemy capitalizes on emotion and exhaustion-it’s a feast when they happen at the same time.

As soon as we got to where we were staying it was bedtime. Slow...sad....and tired. I am a classic bottler of emotions and thoughts and I know how toxic it can be when it is all kept inside. I began to warrior pray over my kids-putting myself in between them and the enemy and applying the blood of Jesus over all of them. I asked the older kids if any of them wanted to talk about anything but no one was interested. I wanted to help them through this season and these emotions so desperately but didn’t know how.

What do I do? My heart wanted to protect them so much. (I remember moves as a kid that were so hard for me too) I asked the Lord as I prayed in the Spirit. My desperation was stilled as if He was gently putting His reassuring hand on my shoulder as if saying...

”You did good mom. I’ll take it from here.”

He then prompted me to put together a soft soaking playlist of worship music and scripture filled with truth and comfort for them to fall asleep to.

“Let ME minister to them.” I felt as if He was saying to me. My worries were stilled and I trusted Him. It was such a sweet sweet moment and a very powerful reminder....

When we can’t reach our children; when we don’t know the words to say or the things to do; when they won’t talk about how they feel; when you are desperate to protect them and don’t know how.....HE DOES. He reaches all the places we can reach and He reaches all the places we can’t reach with our kids. Obediently following where He leads us as parents, sometimes requires us to take a step back, release the reigns and remember that He is the same God for all His children no matter their age. He is their Protector. Their Comforter. Their Healer. Their Friend. It is our job to introduce our children to Him, to lead them to Him and open the door to the Holy Spirit to move in their lives, speaking to their hearts where we can’t.

“Jesus said, ‘Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.’” Matthew 19: 14

“But let all who take refuge in you be glad; let them ever sing for joy. Spread your protection over them, that those who love your name may rejoice in you.” Psalm 5: 11

60. Speak LIFE

 

Over the course of my life, I have had strep throat, chicken pox, scarlet fever, whopping cough, pneumonia (many times), THE flu, shingles, endometritis and Strep A sepsis. Of course, along the way, I have also had my fair share of the common colds among other things that didn’t get an official diagnosis. Sepsis was by far the worst I have ever lived through, (although many of these that I mentioned could very easily send people into panic now a days). One of the things that I found the hardest to deal with, was the vagueness of the doctors while I was in the hospital. It wasn’t until I found another Infectious disease doctor a month later did someone tell us how bad it actually was and how close it was to having a very different outcome; it wasn’t until then that we even knew I had been in the last stages of sepsis. As we learned piece by piece what I had actually just lived through, reality hit many times over. I was very close to dying.

But no one at the hospital ever let on. No one told me or my family that I was septic. No one told me or my family what that meant or explained the stages. I have actually lost many nights wondering why. A part of me wanted to be angry with the doctors.... Didn’t we deserve to know? To better prepare ourselves somehow? To know what we were facing? But then as I sat and REALLY thought about it, my heart began to soften. I stopped thinking about why they didn’t say anything and found myself thinking, “what would have happened if they DID say something?”

I realized that so much of what we go through is led by the state of mind we are in. If they would have told me I was closer to dying than I was to living, what kind of effects could that have had? In the middle of the physical, emotional and spiritual battle I was facing in that moment, would I have been able to keep my mind focused and my faith strong if the worst case scenario was being thrust in our face? I honestly do not know the answer.

The truth is, whether there is a 99% survival rate or a 1% survival rate, there is always the possibility of worst case scenarios but let us not forget that there is also ALWAYS the possibility for healing and miracles. I believe our faith should always rest in the hands of God; the creator of the universe. No matter what diagnosis a human gives here on this earth, it is NOT the final say. Yet somehow we are finding ourselves in the midst of many people banking more heavily (if not entirely) on the voice of “experts”.

I urge you to be very careful about what comes out of your mouth (including what you write and speak over yourself). To the one sick with ANY illness or the one who may become sick with ANY illness, your spoken diagnosis can have a lasting effect on their state of mind (both good or bad) and ultimately their recovery and I assure you whether you believe it or not, it has an effect in the spiritual realm as well. We must stop speaking the spirit of death over people but instead speak hope and life.

Fellow believers, no matter what someone may be dealing with or what diagnosis they may have been given, we need to be pointing people back to the One who is all powerful, the One who puts the breath in our lungs, the provider of wisdom and our true Healer. WE NEED TO BE THE LIGHT OF HOPE IN A WORLD FILLED WITH HOPELESSNESS. We do not always understand why some get healed and others do not. But our job is not to reinforce the death sentence from man. Whether it be about Covid or something else entirely, those who are speaking of the worst case scenarios as a promise for all, are releasing the spirit of fear and death upon the nation. If one does not know how to renounce that spoken curse over their life, people begin to become stifled and bound by it instead. We should be teaching and guiding and loving people back to Jesus. Leaning into each other when our faith waivers. Leaning into Him and trusting the promises for us found in His word.

59. Unfinished Projects

 I thank God that He is so very patient with us. No matter what task we have been putting off or dragging our feet in or ignoring.....He never gives up on us to do what is right and He is always cheering us on. Every step we take can be a step closer to Him...IF WE INCLUDE HIM IN OUR DAILY WALK. The opposite is also true....every step we take can be a step further away from Him if we choose not to include Him in our DAILY life.

Whether you call yourself a believer or not, if you have ever turned your back to Him in the past, attempting to do life in your own strength, it is not too late to humble yourself before Him and turn to Him now. Ask forgiveness for keeping Him out of those areas of your life. He will wash your past clean (whether it be one day, week, or years) and give you a fresh next step. He is patiently waiting for you to return to where you were always meant to be: fully in the loving arms of your savior Jesus Christ. We ALL have a lot to learn from that kind of love.

Perhaps it seems small, but for me, I have recognized I am in a spot of many unfinished projects and ideas that I have let slip along the way. So one of the things that I have decided to do is go through all my journal/writing projects I started and......FINISH them! Praying over each one as they will eventually end up in the hands of others.

Right now I'm working on finishing a stack of wooden journals that have been sitting on my shelf for waaaaaaaaay too long. Here's to finishing unfinished projects.

58. Intercession

 This was something I wrote after a prayer experience in my living room On May 2, 2020:

2 Timothy 2: 20-21 ”In a large house there are articles not only of gold and silver, but also of wood and clay; some are for special purposes and some for common use. Those who cleanse themselves from the latter will be instruments for special purposes, made holy, useful to the Master and prepared to do any good work.”

“I began to pray and I found my hands in fists held up in front of me with my wrists touching each other. As I was praying, I felt as if my hands and wrists were instantly bound together (As you see in the picture) I could not physically separate them nor could I put them down or move them. BONDAGE was the word I heard and I began praying for those in bondage. But more than that, I prayed SPECIFICALLY FOR THE PEOPLE IN OFFICE WHO FEEL AS IF THEIR HANDS ARE TIED. Declaring ‘yes they can!’ and the scripture Acts 18:9-10 came to mind: “Do not be afraid; keep on speaking, do not be silent. For I am with you, and no one is going to attack and harm you, because I have many people in this city.” A woman specifically with dark hair came to my mind but I could not tell who she was. I was then led to pray over her; speaking courage into her in Jesus name. She needs to know that it is NOT hopeless and the church needs to know that we are NOT being called into politics. We are being called into position for the spiritual battle. We do not fight against flesh and blood but against the forces of evil. Again, we are NOT being called into politics. Show us how to love louder, Lord, for your army is many!

My hands were released as I began to praise Him. “

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Update: I believe the Lord has been placing HIS people where HE wants them...People who are instruments and have been cleansed and made holy to be used for special purposes and prepared for HIS good works. Since that day, I continued to pray for those within office who still fight for righteousness. Many in this world want us to believe that there are none left. Many in this world want to provide a new definition of what righteousness should look like. But when you fight for the Lord, there is no compromising HIS definition of the word and I assure you there is no such thing as a losing battle! It bothered me that I didn’t know who the woman was so nearly every time I would see a woman with darker hair I would ask the Lord if she was the one from that day of prayer but I received no confirmation. During the last week of October as I was doing the dishes, it instantly hit me. I knew who this dark haired woman was and as I looked up a picture of the newly appointed Supreme Court justice, Amy Barrett, there was no doubt in my heart that it was her.

I don’t know why the Lord waited until after she was confirmed to reveal to me who she was. But I share this now because I believe that we are heading into a future of an even more intense spiritual battle over MANY if not ALL things.

Brothers and sisters in Christ, please reread what I wrote, and allow the Lord to lead you into prayer. We are ALL called to play a very important roll in the body of Christ and the way we intercede is no exception.

57. Journals and Jesus

 

So confession time. I started sharing my journals and journal making endeavors here on this page and I froze. Ugh.....Not a very proud moment.

Here’s the deal:

I know that the Lord has given me a ministry. It does not look like anyone else’s yet it still has the same goal: lead people to Jesus. He put a passion and a drive in my heart and is now wanting me to use it to carry out a mission for His Kingdom. But what happened? I took that step. I started my Etsy page and started sharing information and images about the journals I make. The phrase “Journals and Jesus” stuck and I attached it to each post I shared along the way. And then I heard the first lie: “you are trying to sell Jesus.“ and I entertained that thought for a moment too long. Friends, when the Bible says to take each thought captive....it means EVERY thought.

From there I pulled back and let things fade on my end. Reasons how I may have misheard, why I was being selfish, why I don’t have time, etc. It was so easy for me to begin to see that having an Etsy shop and selling online would look like I was trying to sell Jesus and because I knew that was NOT what I wanted to convey, I contemplated deleting my page and going a different direction (I have no idea what that direction was but for a moment, I thought it might be the right decision) But that is NOT my heart. And when it comes down to it, I know that. We must stand and ACT in our authority when the enemy comes at us with lies. And there are times that can be very very challenging (Especially if you have walked in self doubt your whole life!)

Journaling has literally changed my relationship with the Lord. As I was reading through a study I’ve been doing, I came across a chapter on journaling. YES a chapter focused on journaling. This is what the author said, “I’m fiercely committed to maintaining a spiritual journal, and it’s for one all-encompassing reason: Those who retain what God gives them will be given more. Jesus said it this way, “For whoever has, to him more will be given” (Mark 4:25) ...the author continued, “I keep a journal for one simple reason: I am desperate for more! And I know more won’t be given to me unless I have properly managed what He has already given me. The only way I can keep returning to the things He’s given me in the past is by writing them down in a journal in such a way that I can refer back to them in the future.”

Chances are, the Lord has been speaking to you (and me) more times than we realize. It can be easy to miss if we are not trained to listen. And if we are not training ourselves to listen, we will not be able to recognize when He does speak into our lives. I cannot agree with the author more. If I don’t write down what the Lord speaks to me, I will not likely remember it. And there have been times, I have gone back to reread journal entries from years ago that the Lord brings new revelation in my current season of life! It doesn’t matter what you write (or draw) about....Invite Him into it; the Lord wants to be in every single piece of your life. And if you are giving Him a chance to speak into that, He will reveal himself to you and bring you new revelation along the way.

I would appreciate prayers, my beautiful friends as I continue my way along this journey.

56. U turn

 Last night I began praying and was prompted to pull out the post-it notes off my “battle wall”. I prayed through them one at a time. The one that completed my prayer time with the Lord came from 2 Peter 3:9 that says, “The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.”

I believe that corruption will be brought to light (it already is!) I believe that a deeper exposure is coming. I also believe that we serve a good God. One who is merciful and I think it is fair to say that every single one of us have been given more “chances” than we ever deserve. But to the creator of the universe, WE ARE WORTH IT.

I certainly do not believe that anyone here on this earth is perfect. We ALL sin and have sinned and every single one of us is in need of repentance. I do not believe that anyone is too far “gone” to return to the Lord as a prodigal son or daughter or turn TO the Lord, perhaps for the first time. When we repent from our ways and seek Him, that is when true change and transformation happens.

”Do not judge [others self-righteously], and you will not be judged; do not condemn [others when you are guilty and unrepentant], and you will not be condemned [for your hypocrisy]; pardon [others when they truly repent and change], and you will be pardoned [when you truly repent and change]“ Luke 6:37 AMP

Each and every one of us need to stop the finger pointing game. Turn off the media. Lay down our phones. And HUMBLE ourselves before the Lord. We need to desire HIS way-not our own. “Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” Psalm 139:23-24

Regardless of who is the next president, I STILL believe that exposure of evil and corruption is coming. Pray for repentance. Pray for those who are walking within the corruption: pray that they will turn from their ways and seek the Lord. Pray for the super natural transformation of ALL hearts (yes including those in politics on BOTH sides and everyone in between) The Lord does not want to see a single person perish. Not one. WE the body of Christ should not want to see anyone perish either. Pray for repentance across the nation.

“Then if my people who are called by my name will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sins and restore their land.” 2 Chronicles 7:14

55. Shame

 Over this past year, the Lord has shown me that I walk in the gift of prophecy and intercession. The tug on my heart to begin speaking to people in real life (Not just through social media) has become very strong. As He has continued to reveal this gift to me, teaching me how to walk in it, He’s also revealed something within me that is still keeping me bound from really stepping out. About a month or so ago at a conference, I found myself confiding in a friend of mine about this. We talked a little about fear but right away I knew it wasn’t fear. Even still, I recognize that when I’m put on the spot, no matter how I feel about it, I totally shut down and I don’t know why. I can’t see straight, I can’t breath, I can’t think. I shut down. Still bothered by it, I went home and asked God to show me what it was- What was shutting me down. I prayed for further revelation. That night, the Lord gave me a dream:

I was at my house and I went outside on my back porch. There was a chair sitting there so I sat down. As I was sitting there, I noticed movement at the bottom of the steps beside me. Immediately I felt embarrassed and stood up and quickly went back inside my house.

After getting in, I closed the back door and a very tall, quiet and intimidating man made his way up my back steps and stood outside the door. In my dream he was very very familiar. The ‘I know I know him-who is he?!’ Familiar. He wasn’t meant to be a friend or family member but I understood he had been around before. He carried an atmosphere of intimidation just by being present. I was no doubt very very uncomfortable but not gripped with fear.

Somehow the back door was open again and in my dream some kind of exchange happened between me and the man but no words were actually spoken. He never physically forced his way in but somehow I felt violated with him standing there so I quickly shut the door again. This time I remembered to lock it. I then walked into my kitchen to duck down and hide in between my cabinets. No sooner did I get there I’d hear the door open again. I did this three more times and as I was walking back the last time to hide, I remember thinking in my dream, ‘How does this keep happening? How does he keep opening the door?’

As I passed the second door (the one in the kitchen), the man’s hand reached through and grabbed me by the front of my shirt. Startled, I looked down and saw the glass on the kitchen door had been broken and I didn’t realize it. His hand was reaching through the places that were broken. And although they were small, I understood that this was how he was getting in and throwing the other door wide open again and again.

At this point my body woke up from the dream, but before I even opened my eyes, I remember asking the Lord, “Who was that man in my dream?” And the Lord replied with the man’s name:

“Shame”

As I wrote the dream down further revelation hit me.

Among other things, the Lord brought the doors to my attention. The one that continued to be swung open and closed by me is one we actually use all the time. And He showed me that was not where shame was getting in-I was focusing on the wrong door. Instead He lead me to the other door. The kitchen door in our house is a forgotten door. In the seven years we have lived in this house, we have never once opened it. As I realized this, the Lord was telling me that the grip that shame still has on me was coming from a forgotten door. Even the smallest cracks-the bits of brokenness I (thought) I buried a long time ago and forgot about was still allowing the man named shame to enter my life and he will always be swinging the door wide open as long as he has a grip on me.

Before this dream, Shame was no where on my radar. To be honest, because of how new of a concept it is to me, I am still walking through this. But because of this dream, the Lord has since opened up past hurts that He wanted me to deal with. Things that I never even gave a second thought to. Partially because I didn’t want to revisit them and partially because the enemy had me convinced they had no relevance to who I am now. The struggles and pain we experience are not always coming through the door we think it is. Ask the Lord for revelation. He is ready to set you free.