22. The Invisible Symptoms

I learned very early about Post Sepsis Syndrome by coming across the information on my own on the Sepsis Alliance Website (https://www.sepsis.org/sepsis-basics/post-sepsis-syndrome/ ) the lingering side effects that can last for months and even years after sepsis: Memory loss, confusion, fear, PTSD, body aches, anxiety, fatigue and the list goes on. They are often considered the “invisible symptoms” and although the intensity of these symptoms have significantly eased up, this was where my story sat for the last nine months.

I believe many people have sat or are possibly still sitting in this place too…..you know the spot: People look at you and because you look good, they have no reason to think you aren’t good. Or maybe someone asks you how you are and because you don’t want to journey down that conversation again you just say “good” and quickly change the subject. Maybe you have to pass on another opportunity but don’t want to explain why you’re just not up for it so you come up with another reason or let them fill in the blank on their own. Maybe you do share a few details of what you are going through and you hear in return “I know how you feel” out of sympathy even though you both know there is no possible way for anyone to truly know how the other is feeling. Maybe no one says anything at all to you because they are afraid or uncomfortable with what door it may open. 

The invisible symptom spot is hard. And it does not only target those walking through an illness or with a physical condition. Especially with what is going on in the world around us today, so many of us may already be feeling the effects that the invisible symptoms are leaving and the truth is, it is a lonely spot. A spot where emotion filled questions get thrown up at God. A spot where words like hopeless and helpless are the only adjectives you can hear. A spot filled with misunderstanding, vulnerability, emptiness and isolation. It has been in this spot during my recovery where I have felt the most alone.

But it has also been in this same spot that I have met Jesus time and time again. 

❤️Sometimes He just sits with me and lets me cry. “The Lord is close to the broken-hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” Psalm 34:18
❤️Other times He gives my heart a memory of happiness, even though He knows the physical act of smiling is still too much. “The Lord has done great things for us, and we are filled with joy.” Psalms 126:3
❤️He has shown me the tough love as He peels me up off the floor and reminds me of the five beautiful faces who need me to be strong. “He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.” Isaiah 40:29.
❤️There have been times I have declared that I have nothing left and He sends a friend into my path so I remember who walks beside me. “Finally all of you, be like-minded, be sympathetic, love one another, be compassionate and humble.” 1 Peter 3:8
❤️And there were times when my mind was so overwhelmed and He blesses me with a good night’s sleep. “Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times and in every way.” 2 Thessalonians 3:16

No day is an easy day when you are walking through something hard. I am not one to tell you it should be. But in that spot of invisible symptoms, I have come to recognize that in this world, it may be true that no one will truly understand the details of your story and how it effects you…but what I am certain of is when your heart belongs to Jesus, even when you are a slobbering mess who can’t get it together and begin to allow doubt to creep in, Jesus will sit with you every single time. Listen carefully in that spot! Listen as He reminds you that you are never alone when you walk with Him.

“I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.” Psalms 91:2

(Image artist unknown)