Someone recently asked me if I had any lingering effects after briefly sharing my story. Immediately I said no, but I have come to realize that’s not true. I have often based my lingering side effects from a physical view point and comparison. This is where I have still been struggling: So many sepsis survivors have had to stay in the hospital for months, been in comas, lost limbs, have had to continue endless antibiotics long after the hospital, have had to learn how to walk, breath and eat all over again, have had to go through many surgeries, struggle with other continued illnesses and the list goes on. It is true that while I was in the hospital I could not move my legs on my own and needed assistance in pretty much everything and after I got home I still needed help with simple tasks like getting dressed. The intense pain continued every single day for nearly four months and because sepsis tends to eat away at muscle mass, I still struggle up and down the steps or during any activity where any amount of strength or physical endurance is needed. The mental and emotinal journey is another topic entirely, one which I will be touching on later. The truth is, I live with lingering side effects every single day but they have become a new normal that some days I don’t even see them as not normal.
As I reflect, its often hard for me to wrap my head around the severity of my case mixed with the knowledge that I left the hospital after only five days. I walk. I breath. And comparison rears it’s ugly head again: How can I possibly claim to have lingering effects? What grounds do I have to even speak on these effects when I know others out there are physically struggling with more and have been for longer?
I won’t lie, nearly every day I have compared myself to other people and I often wonder, what makes my story any more significant than someone else’s? And the truth is, it isn’t. It isn’t any more significant than your story but it’s not any less significant either. As a follower of Christ, we must recognize that whatever that story is, it is a tool in our tool belt. Only you will be able to reach the people you are meant to reach with your details. Only I will be able to reach the people I am meant to reach with my details. God has designed our lives this way. To compare is an insult, as if telling Him, “you got it wrong, my voice and my story is not important.”
They key is, how can we do what God has intended for us to do if we stay silent?
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